Stay with me long enough, and you'll learn I am not a fan of Hallmark Holidays. Mother's Day is one of those days. A quick Google search will tell you that Anna Jarvis founded Mother's Day in 1904 to honor her own Mother after her passing. Anna's mother, Ann Jarvis worked with soldiers wounded in the civil war and established "Mother's Day Work Clubs" focused on addressing public health issues. Anna wished to honor and continue her work. Her initial efforts to have the Holiday recognized were ridiculed by the Good Ole Boys Club known as the American Congress. It wasn't until 1914 when Woodrow Wilson made it an official holiday on the Second Sunday of May. Is it a coincidence that the right for women to vote was denied by Congress that same year? By 1920 it was a commercialized Hallmark Holiday and Anna Jarvis protested for it's removal from the calendar.
This is the foundation of Mother's Day, a day to work toward correcting public health issues, but this is NOT why I dislike the holiday.
I grew up provided for, but considered rural poor. My Mother received whatever Mother's Day project the teacher had decided on. Not something from my heart, but something that I was told to do for my mother, and that at least 14 other little kids were giving to their mothers. By the time I moved to the Rochester area suburbs I was just discovering that we were poor. You see, we had a house, we had land, we had a dog, we had food (not always what I liked to eat), we had clothes (hand me downs mostly), and we had gifts at holidays. As an adolescent in the suburbs I learned that I was to poor, to show my mother just how much I loved her.
Showing Mum that she was loved was about buying expensive bouquets of flowers, jewelry, candy, clothes (and these days even a car) and I couldn't afford any of that.
Fast forward to my becoming a mother. I received things when my kids were to little to think about gifts. I honestly can't remember what I received for my first Mother's Day. Maybe, that was because I was dealing with a 3 week old infant at the time. I DO remember feeling obligated to make sure that my Mother received something (even just the right sentiment in a card), and that my Mother in Law received something from her son.
I don't have a single Mother's Day card or gift that came from my children while they were in school. Those items were directed and mass produced, they held no meaning to me. I DO have poems, art and doodles that my kids did for me "just because".
I dislike Mother's Day because Hallmark and the other commercial industries have steared society into a belief that your value as a mother is reflective of the items your children gift you. I don't want my children to spend a single penny on me for Mother's Day. I don't want to be called 3 times a year (birthday, winter holiday and Mother's Day) to be told I am loved. I don't want to tell my Mother that she is special to me on the second Sunday of May. What if this time next year, she or I aren't hear? Wouldn't it be better to tell her how much I love her every time I see her?
Beyond the commercialization of the holiday is the HARM of the holiday. If you follow my Social Media Feeds you will have seen me posting about those groups of women who Mother's Day is particularly hard for. If you love your Mother (or someone who has represented your Mother) then you don't need a National Hallmark Holiday and a fancy card to tell her. Trust me when I tell you that a random phone call to say "Hi Mom, I missed you" and the genuine conversation that follows means more to her than diamonds, chocolate and cruises.
Remember that some people have lost their mothers (and no you never really "get over" a loss, you just learn to live differently), some people never had a good relationship with their Mothers, some people never had a Mother. Remember that some Mothers have lost their children, have strained relations with their children, or are unable to have any children. Remember that a Woman is more than her ability to bear children, and MANY women choose not to be wives or mothers and they are NO LESS A WOMAN, but made to feel that way by society, especially on a day like Mother's Day.
Remember that Days the celebrate achievements can also feel like counting failures. Failure to be able to provide a dream birthday party for your child. Failure to attend their sports, dance, theater, singing events because you had to work or didn't have transportation. Failure at being a good Mum because you yell more than you want. Failure to provide for their future because no matter how hard you work there isn't enough money to set aside to pay for the ever increasing cost of college.
If someone is special in your life, don't wait for a Hallmark holiday to tell them, show them with your actions (even the small act of regularly picking up the phone to tell them they are important). Don't take someone
for granted 362 days a year to tell them they are special on 3. Tell them they are special 362 days a year and take them for granted on 3.
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